Nadia Bokody: ‘Unicorn shopping’, the X-rated Tinder request that must stop

Nadia Bokody: ‘Unicorn shopping’, the X-rated Tinder request that must stop

Unicorn hunter users will usually contain a swipe-bait earliest image, Nadia Bokody says. Photograph / Instagram

It will be marketed as a “steamy” way to have some fun, but this tacky move forward internet dating programs needs to end happening.

I am conversing with a lady i simply matched up with on Tinder.

Things are supposed well. The lady responses tend to be fast and pleasing, and she appears desperate to satisfy. Subsequently she says something which tosses me personally.

“we confirmed my hubby your photos in which he thinks you are extremely gorgeous.”


Confounded, we take back once again a text to express the problem.

“Are you on here in order to satisfy buddies, or day?” We compose.

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“For a steamy adventure. Therefore we are unable to waiting to fulfill you,” she pings back once again, punctuating the lady message with a smiling devil emoji.

In some way, i have just stumbled onto a terrible ’80s porno ready, detailed with tacky sexual innuendo and a sleazy third party participating uninvited.

As I’ll after find, this is certainly a concerningly common sensation in queer feminine dating rooms, described as “unicorn hunting”.

Unicorn hunters become in essence heterosexual couples whom creepily stalk software like Tinder and Bumble, obtaining people for their subsequent threesome. They refer to these ladies as “unicorns” because, quite frankly, a queer woman that is right up for providing delinquent intercourse benefit a bored right pair means because mythical as it will get.

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They probably won’t shock one to learn it’s not especially easy conference possible suitors as a 30-something gay lady. Attractive, solitary lesbians within my age group are like level-headed group at a Boxing Day purchase.

What makes factors a lot more difficult for ladies anything like me, is simply the number of men invade our internet dating apps.


If you’re a woman that is actually set their Bumble choices to “women only”, it’s likely that high you’ve been confronted by a visibility with a terribly porny bio, like: “Looking for an open-minded female to experience with our company.”

Typically, initial profile image is actually swipe-bait: a nice-looking lady, probably outfitted provocatively, smiling into the cam. The 2nd image generally contains one. Sometimes it’s just a regular couple photo of the two of them; others, it is a pic that looks adore it’d become at home in the content of RedTube – with lots of exposed body and an oversupply of posed groping.

There is no doubting a great deal of these pages are created and handled by people. Maybe not because women aren’t into threesomes (admittedly, they aren’t my jam, though You will find a great amount of female company who have dabbled inside) but because they betray an awkward diminished understanding about feminine sexuality.

While exclusively male hook-up app Grindr has grown to become a behemoth thanks to the simplicity in which it gives you guys the means to access no-strings-attached (and often no texting preamble) intercourse, there’s a clear reasons no feminine equivalent exists.

Research has overwhelmingly found that for men, arousal does occur reactively. Put another way, if a man sees individuals the guy finds attractive – specially if that person nude – he is frequently ready to go. For ladies but the desire getting sex is one thing that occurs contextually.

This implies it is not enough to simply have a look at a stylish person – we should instead become triggered with these brains, as well. That could seem like a romantic date, a flirty texting trade, or even just sense comfortable and at simplicity in a particular scenario.


What’s more, it requires feelings viewed and heard. And few things generate a lady believe considerably visible or significant than being questioned to sub in as a sex model for a sexually disappointed pair.

This might be definitely not to ever even contact upon just how very insulting “unicorn hunter” pages should be intercourse employees. Soliciting outstanding intimate solutions (because, truth be told – that’s what unicorn hunting try) invalidates ab muscles genuine work sex professionals play, while concurrently managing female as throw away stuff.

The actual fact these kind of pages exists in queer feminine matchmaking places just contributes to their unique difficult character. Besides undermining LGBTQ identities, unicorn hunting nourishes in to the gross, archaic stereotype homosexual and bisexual women aren’t legitimate – that we essentially exists as some sort of cheeky heightened sexual performance for men.

I state all of this not to assess boys who wish to sexually test in their interactions. I am a huge proponent of maintaining the spark lively by attempting new stuff in bed room, and also the final individual kink-shame (as long as it is secure, sane, and consensual – you do your, boo).

But, for any passion for Oprah, dudes; leave lesbian Tinder. Its already difficult adequate for all of us gay ladies available to you devoid of their open pecs pop up within feeds completely uninvited.

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